Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Randomize
