so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
