The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
