oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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