then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
accomplished twins. life is a go
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
