that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
