there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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