Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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