I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
