you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
