I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She's the barista slut.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
