How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
