He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
