the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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