My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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