I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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