When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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