My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
