My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
