her vagine was all disorganized.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
