cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
