So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
