I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
