he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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