Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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