Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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