I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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