I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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