I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
