if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
