Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
