only you would photoshop your dick
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
