This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
