Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
