5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
