and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
