You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
