She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
