allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
