i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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