She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
