I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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