Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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