wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
