Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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