i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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