Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
