was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He felt like a one man threesome
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
