i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
