So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Randomize
