I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
