Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
