THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
