I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
